Rafael Corney

10 Ways to lose before you start!

That’s right, guys. You can do it, you really can – IF you try hard
enough. I mean, won’t you be proud to mount the plaque for the
Dating Loser of the Year on YOUR bathroom wall? Let’s take a look
at the 10 things you need to do to win.

1. Use a counterfeit photo: That’s right – on your profile paste a
   photo of your son, cousin, brother, best friend – whoever is
   one handsome dude and when your date shows up you tell
   her you had plastic surgery after a car wreck.
2. Lie on your profile: An extension of number 1, lie about your
   education, interests, height, religion, and whatever elseis
   on there to present the perfect, and fake, persona.
3. Be a slob: When you meet her, make sure you haven’t
   showered in days, and wear dirty, wrinkled old clothes.
4. Arrive late:a Come swaggering in with attitude, find her, and
   move on to # 5.
5. Borrow money: Tell her you stopped at the ATM but don’t have
   any money in your account, so you need to borrow money for
   a mocha cappuccino.
6. Set up your laptop: As soon as you sit down, set up your laptop,
   and proceed to send emails and instant message people the
   whole time you are with her
7. Talk about yourself – non-stop: That’s right – talk, talk, talk – about
   your job, the latest NASCAR race, drinking beer with your buddies,
   whatever. And, make SURE you don’t ask her a single thing
   about herself.
8. Be negative: While you are talking non-stop – make sure it is about
   everything negative – how you hate your boss, what a loser
   your last girlfriend was, and how crummy the weather ALWAYS is!
9. Act like a jerk: Be rude to everyone and anyone. Kick the blind man’s
   dog, yell at a kid, argue with the server or counterperson.
   That’s right – show your true colors!
10. Get down and dirty: In between instant messages, start talking like
    you were having phone sex – only now it’s Starbuck’s sex!!

So, my friend, if you want to win the Dating Loser of the Year Award, be sure
to follow these guidelines and I’ll be sending you that plaque pronto.

Go get ‘em!